bringing the rock

Well, I've got a blister the size of a small polynesian island on my left ring finger. A Rock n' Roll Blister! I'm bursting with pride. Workin' those power chords. And god bless 'em! They're just so easy, and they rock so hard. I am having an ABSOLUTE BLAST. I put off really starting to learn the songs for Friday's jam until Monday--not to mention learning to really play rock guitar (I work best under pressure)--but since then I've spent hours each day with the stereo and my amp cranked up to about a hundred and ten db, playing and singing along, learning my parts, learning to go for feel over perfect exectution, learning not to drop my pick (that's a hard one), and grinning from ear to ear. I saw the guys from the band last night. I proudly displayed my blister. One joked that the thing to do with those was to bite them off and spit them at someone. I said, "I have so much to learn." I just can't wait to play. Yee-haw.

In other news, I learned on Thanksgiving that my brother's wife is pregnant! The first of the next generation in my immediate family. Most exciting. Too bad they live several states away. They've come home often since they moved away, but I guess we'll just have to do more traveling there after the baby arrives this summer. Fingers crossed that they'll take action on the plan they've discussed intermittently of moving back to New England when they have a child. And of course, fingers and toes crossed that we provide a little cousin very soon.

G is settling in to his new situation. His work ethic is such that there is much more danger of his working too much and in an overly structured way than taking unhealthy advantage of the work-from-home scenario and task-oriented, nonhourly salary orientation. But that is not a problem now, so I will let him find his groove however he needs to and leave him alone. I'm just happy that he can barely even hear the rocking going on in the upstairs bedroom as long as I pull a pillow over the vent in the floor.

Well, break's over. Mama's gotta go rock now.

no. way.

So as G bids farewell today to his office job and embarks on the path to his dream, I have something extra to give thanks for in the dream-come-true department as well: I get to sing with my favorite band! It's an embarrassment of riches around here lately, I swear. But we accept.

So far, we're just talking an afternoon of exploratory "jamming," but as there's a show scheduled in six weeks, the implication is clear that things are likely to be taken further if that afternoon goes well. I have always wanted to sing with these guys, but I must say, the specific way the dream is manifesting is far better than what I dared imagine--for one simple reason: G will be there, too. I can't hardly stand it.

The story, short version, is that the band has been on what looked like a permanent hiatus since their bass player/second singer moved to Europe a few years ago, while the two founding members headed for far-flung quarters and other pursuits. But when their record label asked them to play a reunion concert this winter, the two accepted, figuring it would be a fun thing to do and that something would work out. After all, they're living in the same state this year for a change, albeit temporarily. All the more reason to play together as much as possible, right? AN-y-way, when I heard that a show was scheduled, I had a feeling that this might create an opening, and I started making overtures. These were warmly received. If things never went any farther than just being considered, I was already happy.

Those guys know a lot of people and they like to mix things up, so I figured it was best to trust that the highest good for all concerned would be what ended up happening. That way, I could just toss my ideas/dreams out there for consideration and let go. So I tossed away, in a blissful state of detachment. No idea was too stupid or crazy, anything was possible, and whatever happened or didn't would be just fine. In this mad odyssey of free-form dream improvisation (to paraphrase Derek Smalls), I first thought I might learn the bass and fill in that way. A mighty ambitious proposition, that. Oy. But, hey, this was just brainstorming. Just tossing it out there. It was technically possible, and exciting to consider. Why not?

But then... THEN, I had the idea: G!! G plays the bass--ha-DOI! And he's been looking for a tasty project for years now, something cool and challenging, with smart people, preferably adult nonstoners. And haven't we been meaning to play together but not quite finding a way to get to it, already? Plus, this way I could just sing, and perhaps add a tasteful (read: easy) rhythym guitar track here and there. This would be low pressure all around, and WAY more fun. More fun for all, since G is a blast and those guys all already adore each other, but omigod--his presence would change everything for me. The potential for excess nervous tension and odd dynamics, not to mention discomfort over my lack of experience in band situations, all just seemed to float away in large measure the moment I visualized G on bass.

Meanwhile, and this is the real beauty part, it turns out that this exact situation has been a "daydream scenario" of G's for years. I knew he'd be into the idea, but I had not suspected and he had not mentioned that he'd actually been wanting to play with these guys, too. Can you even stand it?

So there's a whole lot going on around here today that wasn't yesterday. The list for "jamming" (the nice way they're saying 'audition', methinks) is sixteen songs long, and the first get-together may be as soon as nine days away. I'm familiar with all the songs, but knowing I'll be participating is making me listen to them in a new way this morning. My appreciation of what these guys do has already deepened, as well as my awareness that even "just" singing, I have a lot of work before me if I'm going to do this well. Which I am. What else... I'm suddenly wondering if I'll have time to make all the Christmas gifts I bought supplies for yesterday before we got the word, what with all the potential practicing and rehearsing. But I like the feeling that my time is filling up with such, well, fulfilling activities. This will change G's and my experience of the transition to his working from home dramatically, I imagine, as there are now two major factors in our life together emerging in the very same week. The timing seems perfect, somehow. And I'm surprised to find myself really happy in a calm way, rather than really hyper in every possible emotional direction. Somehow, after everything, this is really no big deal. In a good way. It's a bit early in the process, I know, but all signs point to my being ready for this. Which is nice.

The biggest item to note, of course, is how TOTALLY FRICKIN' GRATEFUL and BLOWN THE FRIG AWAY I am to observe this very dear and long-held dream emerging into my outward experience in the most perfect possible way and at the perfect time. Even if it only turns out to be one afternoon, just jamming in the basement. This is just plain COOL. And it's one of those times when the most suitable words seem way too small for their task.



PS - Hey, Kat, if you're still out there: I see what you mean about positive affects from The Artist's Way showing up months afterward! (Long-time readers may recall several posts in which I have ruminated about this very scenario, beginning with coming to terms with even just wanting it. My AW work clearly prepared the way for this happy funtime goodness. More gratitude! Blowing of kisses and throwing of bouquets!)

Here's my heart, God. You Rock.

high octane cocoa

So I've cut way back on sweetened foods. I've suspected for some time that I might have been going a little heavy on the carbohydrates, since I'd been a bit drowsy and generally out-of-it just about every afternoon, and I could more or less use ice cream or candy as a sleep aid--it predictably knocked me out. The problem may actually be that I go too easy on the protein, as I only end up eating meat two or three times a week and I'm not careful enough to cover that category in other ways. Sidebar: When I was a vegetarian for six years once, I learned the hard way that I need to balance carbs with proteins and salt if I don't want to be chronically cranky, tired and spacey. I decided then that vegetarianism did not seem to be for me, and I think that's still true. But I had recently let the balance tip once again toward yin foods, as I think of them, and this time I figured it was time to take a hard look at my sugar intake.

It wasn't good, and it's not like I'd been eating candy or Ho-ho's every day. I'll spare you all the details. Well, most of them: Until turning over the new lo-sug leaf, I usually ate frosted shredded wheat with soy milk for breakfast. When I switched to Grape Nuts (zero added sugar) with plain yogurt and fresh fruit, I swear-ta-god, I felt worlds better immediately. My energy is just so much more level now. It was enough to get me to start regarding honey oat granola bars like I used to treat M&Ms. And I have not had to exert any effort to maintain the new approach--I associate sweets with feeling like crap, so unless I've just had a nice big, salty and meaty meal, I just don't eat 'em.

This created a dilemma when it came to chocolate, however. Time was, three seasons of the year I could just mix up some instant hot cocoa to satisfy that jones. Now that stuff tastes like candy to me. Well, come to think of it, I'd been meaning to finally face up to its obscene ingredient list and get real anyway. Seriously. Ew. So I finally made the break. I bought some baker's cocoa, nothing fancy--just the store brand ("ingredients: cocoa"), and my, my, my... in Tim Gunn's parlance, I'm making it work. The recipe I saw on the side of the fancy baker's cocoa called for a tablespoon and a half each of cocoa and sugar, dissolved in 8 ounces of milk being heated to steaming and stirred constantly. I'm using 12oz milk (no girly-ass portions for me), with two heaping tablesoons of cocoa (probably the equivalent of three measured units) and one heaping teaspoon of sugar. Which is still a lot. But the milk I use has extra protein. AN-yway, this ROCKS, and it takes the same time it used to take to heat up the kettle. It's very dark and chocolatey, with no subsequent nap required. (Oh, and I dissolve the cocoa and sugar in a little hot water first to get banish cocoa clumps. Recommended if you're trying this at home.)

Three ingredients! Reasonable sugar levels! Deep, dark, and chocolatey! What's not to love?

a week without internets

Our internet service failed very early Monday morning and did not return until last evening. It was interesting to note through deprivation just how much time I spend on the computer and for just how many purposes: Couldn't check email. Couldn't read blogs. Couldn't check the weather or read the NY Times. Couldn't check the bank balance or pay the bills. Couldn't find a recipe for pea soup with ham in ten seconds flat, or get knitting instructions, or check the local classifieds for leads on the mystery kitty that turned up in our basement and stayed for a week without putting my boots on. Yes, many of these things could have been accomplished through other more cumbersome means, but come on. Cook books? Too few choices. Telephone banking? Did that ever seem convenient? CNN and The Weather Channel? Don't get me started.

In the early nineties, I was one of those Luddite wannabees who resisted so much as looking at a computer. How could diddling around with a machine that looked suspiciously like a TV make me in any way more productive? How could staring at a sterile little screen in an alpha-wave brain state do anything but isolate me further from my fellow beings? Well... huh! Sure, it's another way to waste alarming amounts of time astonishingly easily, but, man, I just hadn't fully appreciated how much time it can save. And do I even need to mention how much I missed my email and blog buddies? It's good to get bitch-slapped with one's own self-righteous prejudgements from time to time, I suppose.

The Mystery Kitty was eventually reunited with his grateful people the old-fashioned way: they saw one of the signs I'd posted around the neighborhood. Sure felt good to deliver him safely home. Handsome little dude. And, yeah, I finally closed up the hole he came in through. It was as if the cat said, "Hello. I am a friendly and fine-looking feline who needs a place to crash if it's alright. I noticed the broken basement window under your deck there and it just called to me. I can stay? Cool, thanks. Oh, by the way, I could have been a skunk."

G is inching toward his last day at his office job. Just three days to go after this. We got an interesting little preview of things to come yesterday when his new boss got tired of the delays in productivity due to our service outage and called a guy he knows at our internet provider, who happens to be the head of marketing there. And whattaya know! Our internet connection was restored within the hour. And G got a total of three personal phone calls from this executive, who smooched his butt liberally and told him to call his cell phone anytime if he needed help again. My man, the VIP. There were pink cartoon hearts swirling out the top of my head.

juicy plum

Domestically speaking, this is a sleepy transition time. We're all keeping cold symptoms at bay--except the kitten, who, having succumbed, is quite sneezy and even more lapbound than usual. She's getting better, though. G was feeling crappy enough to call in sick, but well enough to work at his new job all day from his computer, so yesterday was a nice sneak preview of what life might be like after he leaves his office job for good in two weeks. It was great. He was very successfully, in his industry's parlance, squashing bugs all day, and therefore in a great mood. He gets more and more excited about his new situation as he is able to apply himself to the work part-time. He made us a yummy lunch of grilled turkey and cheese sandwiches. I later cooked a garlic-y bean, chicken and kale stew for dinner. It was dreamily dreary outside and very, very cozy inside.

I spent my time during the day knitting and watching cable news networks. Wow! Hope! Haven't felt that after an election in quite awhile. I think of myself as independent, though I always vote with the lefties, because I consider the donkey party, while being a WAY better choice than those belicose elephants, as essentially the other side of the same tired old, tarnished coin. I hold out hope for a viable new party or two to emerge in my lifetime, with truly new perspectives, and dialectic approaches to the same old petrified, habitual and entrenched political battles that we're all so very tired of. The so-called discourse has lost all of its honesty, all of its juice. (See: Jon Stewart on Crossfire, October, 2004.) I want comprehensive overhaul. I do not believe that that one side that I always vote with is able to provide it. I don't want one side of this tiresome game to win, anyway. In fact, I don't believe that's even possible. I'd rather see new guys, thinkers, cherry-picking the best of all possible systems and approaches and synthesizing balanced and inclusive solutions. I want off the see-saw.

This whole red state/blue state thing is hackneyed, false, divisive and dangerous. I have lived in the bluest of blue states all my life, and I notice that even here the margin of victory in many if not most races is not all that wide. If we looked at a map of the country by district with the colors red and blue blended together based on the percentages, it'd be a lovely shaded purple, like a plum. It was just as purple two years ago as it is now.

Here's a purple map by state, proportional to population, that someone put together after 2004:



We are clearly all in this together. Furthermore, while I'm sure some of the folks that have tended to vote the other way in recent years way may actually be people I wouldn't like or trust, the the same could certainly be said for my side as well, and the vast majority of those other guys are just folks, not all that different from me, when I get right down to it. Just people doing the best they can with what they know. Could they really all be stupid? Are we really all morally bankrupt? What good can come of this wholesale oversimplification?

Our recent election is a start toward a new era, or at least a step away from the old. We have a two-party government again. This provides another opportunity for real dialogue or--dare I?--cooperation as we stumble our way toward growth. The system may be corrupt, and it may fail to live up to our ideals again and again, but it has worked in many important ways in the past, and it's all we have for the moment. I hope we can begin to remember in our dark days who we really intend to be, and that our failures and embarrassments motivate us to correction and improvement.