brief check-in

Just stopping by to say hello. I feel I am rocking a strange combination of better than ever and really f'd up lately. At the moment I'm fighting cold symptoms; I'm achy and tired. I've been cooking all day. This weekend is our annual large singing event, and that brings up a variety of emotions as well, from excitement to dread, and unfortunately the needle on the emotionometer is leaning, as usual, toward the 'dread' end of things--though that has much less to do with actual singing/social circumstances than the mere idea of being immersed for two days straight in a sea of hungry, huggy humans singing hymns. I can get overwhelmed pretty easily at these things, and therefore defensive and/or really teary.

And I've been feeling conflicted generally about the social choices I've made, in the last year or two especially, that have left me isolated in many ways. This was really bothering me earlier in the week, actually--enough so that I contacted my own tarot reader and teacher, and dear friend, for a good long reading. And oh my, did I feel worlds better afterward! That pretty much saved my ass this week, actually, and who knows how long the positive effects will ripple out into my life. My perspective on myself and my choices, and my attitude, has been largely purged of fear and negativity, and replaced with grounded calm and confidence. My reader reminded me that all is quite well. She reminded me who I am. I needed that.

Still, everything seems somehow on edge. And I guess this happens to me every spring, but lord-a-mighty, I feel the Life--coursing through me and through the earth, taking me out of my cumbersome body in my dreams, connecting me to everyone and everything, letting me see connections and life paths more and more clearly. And that, my friends, makes me want to eat cereal and watch TV under a blanket.

But off I go this afternoon to a pre-singing event, a little something to kick things off. I may actually return from it excited to see everybody and to sing; I always get really happy about it all at some point. So, here's to Life! Might as well dive in...