happy birthday to me

Last weekend's show, the Big One, was a blast. My entire family was there--both parents, siblings and a few cousins, too--along with a downright humbling number of dear friends. One of them pointed out that the place had gone nuts when I was introduced. I suggested that might be because almost everyone I knew was in the club! I got lots of birthday wishes, cards and flowers as I made my way from the stage to the dressing room between sets. But the best gift, of course, was the opportunity to play and sing that music.

And we had a couple of gooood sets. All my dear ones who had never heard the band before were clearly quite genuinely blown away. It felt really tight. The sound guy is a genius, and also a friend, and the system there is excellent, so with the exception of the first song in the electric set, I could hear myself clearly. What this means is that I know I sang well. Ahhh! The whole deal was recorded in 24 tracks, and there's talk of producing a cd. We'll see about that, I suppose, but, at very least, at some point I'll have a nice record of this great night in my life.

I've been laying low since then. There's a lot going on socially and musically this weekend, too, and I needed a break from being around people. It's been a nice, quiet week. I like my life.

In the quiet, I've dived into ACIM practice with renewed vigor, and made some progress. One idea which has been particularly illuminating today is the notion that any sense of unease at all --anger, depression, worry, frustration, regret, etc.--is at its essence an unloving thought. Remember my long-ass post about my troubles with certain types of people in my life? I wanted to know what to do beyond forgiveness, which didn't seem to be helping me to avoid certain recurring problems. The wise and lovely Marilyn suggested I think less about what to do, and rather be forgiveness. That really stuck with me. And today what I am putting together is that a major way my negativity hides is in my frustration and disappointment over how (many) people don't "get" me. This may not be direct judgment of them, but those thoughts and feelings are certainly unloving in the ACIM sense, and they are keeping me in a sort of personal hell. They need to go. And I think I'm ready to let them go. Hallelujah.

P.S. - There are many photos on Flickr, and two videos on YouTube of Sunday's event, if you know what to look for. Here's a hint: